I’ve recently switched form third person to first person in a novel I’m working on. And even more recently I’ve switched a short story form third person to first.
The advantage of the close third person
This is actually rather odd for me. I’m rather a fan of the close third person; I think this is a good point of view for allowing the reader to enjoy the growth with the reader. I suddenly noticed this once when a writing friend was telling the story of a young girl who had gone to work in a big house and was having trouble changing a bed. The problem was the voice; it sounded much more like a grown-up reflecting on the time when she struggled. If we’d had a close third person account, we would have been watching the young girl herself struggle.
The more successful first person in young adult literature
Even if the writer doesn’t use present tense, we frequently get here a sense that one young adult is talking to another young adult. They may be talking about what has happened in the past but they haven’t yet rationalised it. Indeed their narration is part of their attempt at rationalisation.
Some problems with first person present tense
It can work well and it can allow the reader to see everything through the narrators’ eyes, in fact making it feel to the reader that the story is happening to them. However, sometimes the reader is drawn into the text itself and can’t quite get out of being aware of the words and the marks on the page. It then feels as if the protagonist is carrying a notebook everywhere with them and is writing down what happens as they go along. This feels awkward and unnatural.
My current third person past tense narrative
Here I’ve changed from the third person close to a more subjective and somewhat stylised first person past. A grandmother is telling her granddaughter about things in her past that are similar to events going on in the present day (which happens to be 2001). Thus we now have:
“It was damp, misty day when we arrived.
The taxi bumped along the rough farm track.
"See where the fork in the track is there? Well you go night and then It's about half a mile," your grandfather instructed the taxi driver.
I had to admire him. He spoke English so well. The taxi driver seemed to understand him, and he'd been fine with them. He wasn't all that friendly but he hadn't been nasty or annoying. It must be odd for him be driving two Germans so soon after the end of the war. But Walter would stand no nonsense. He was such a good man. I knew he would look after me well. And this taxi driver had been very professional.”
Previously we had:
“The taxi bumped along the rough farm track.
"See where the fork in the track is there? Well you go night and then It's about half a mile."
Helga had to admire her husband. He spoke English so well. The taxi driver seemed to understand him, and he'd been fine with them. He wasn't all that friendly but he hadn't been nasty or annoying. It must be odd for him be driving two Germans so soon after the end of the war. But Walter would stand no nonsense. He was such a good man. She knew he would look after her well. And this taxi driver had been very professional.”
My first person present tense
I started with the close third person again:
“The noise was getting louder. Yes it was definitely a tractor. But what was it doing here? Jed was off today. There shouldn't be anybody out with a tractor on the bottom field.
"Here boy," Jamie called Baxter, the border collie, now retired. He had been one of the best sheep dogs the farm had ever had. "Stay close." She slipped her fingers into the long soft fur around his neck. He was such a good dog normally but you could never be too sure. "What do you think they're up to, eh, boy? Noisy old things."
The tractor came to a halt and whoever was driving it jumped off and opened the gate to the next field. What a cheek! They were trespassing.
She recognised Owain Thomas from the farm next door. He now edged the tractor slowly towards her and brought it to a stop.
"I hope you don't mind," he said. "Only the only way I can get to our top field is across your land. The lane's blocked, see."
"Oh." Had he phoned to ask? "Does Oma know?"”
I’ve changed this to:
The noise is getting louder. Yes it's definitely a tractor. But what's it doing here? Jed's up on the top field today. There shouldn't be anybody out with a tractor on the bottom field.
"Here boy." I'm calling Baxter, our lovely border collie, now retired. He's one of the best sheep dogs the farm's ever had. "Stay close." I slip my fingers into the long soft fur around his neck. He's such a good dog normally but you can never be too sure. "What do you think they're up to, eh, boy? Noisy old things."
The tractor comes to a halt and whoever is driving it jumps off and opens the gate to the next field. What a cheek! They're trespassing.
It's Owain Thomas from the next farm. He now edges the tractor slowly towards me and brings it to a stop.
"I hope you don't mind," he says "Only the only way I can get to our top field is across your land. The lane's blocked, see."
"Oh." Has he phoned to ask? "Does Oma know?"
It brings us closer to Jamie and slows down the passing of time. The grandmother’s narrative covers 1925-1980. Jamie’s is mainly in February and March 2001. The use of the present tense stops her rationalising too much. The reader can just watch what happens. The first person narrative allows also for a lot of introspection which is probably important in this story.
Second person?
I only use this a very little in this story and that is when the grandmother tells Jamie some bits about her past that Jamie has forgotten.
It can be very effective though it is hard work for both reader and writer where it is used throughout a text. Here is an excerpt from a second person narrative:
“You always know when you are being watched. There’s that sense of a tingling in your spine, a boring into your back, or an awareness that every detail is being observed. And all without you turning around.
Most of the time you would brush it away, forgotten, like the litter blowing across the platform. At other times you might freeze, knowing that you are almost alone, as you try to focus on the peeling posters. The train rushes in like an indrawn breath and you leap on.”
Linda Flynn ‘Unseen Eyes’ Resolutions 2021, Manchester Bridge House, p 190.
Patch test
I always recommend this. Take a few paragraphs of your narrative and try it out with various combinations of past, present, first person, second person and third person. Would you be brave enough to try the future also? Which works the best?
