Thursday 16 April 2020

Stage of revision 11: Point of view




Introduction

Getting the point of view wrong or inconsistent is one of the biggest mistakes that new and inexperienced writers of prose fiction make. It’s also reasonably easy to get right if you understand it. Often if you can correct the mistakes you’ve made with point of view your text will improve dramatically. So, it is a good one to get right.

What we mean by point of view 

But what does it “point of view” actually mean? We’re not talking about opinions here. We’re really talking about who the story belongs to. You need to ask yourself “Whose story is this?” Answer that and you have found your point of view.
Try to remember that as you write. If you keep changing the point of view it can irritate and alienate your reader. It can be particularly annoying in short stories. It is counterproductive in another way in all forms of fiction. It prevents your reader from becoming close to your character. In longer pieces, such as novels, you may have to change point of view because the story is not always with the main character. Then the author will often be just as close to another character. On the whole, the more successful prose fiction writers do not change point of view mid-chapter. This aids the reader to find continuity and indeed to buy into the story. So, your second question is “Have I consistently shown this point of view?” Edit just asking that question. It’s an important edit.

Narrative techniques

Closely linked with point of view is what we call “narrative technique” and it is often the narrative technique you use that helps you to establish your point of view. Below are a few examples of narrative techniques. 
First person
The first person narrative is often referred to as unreliable. In some ways it is. You are only getting the narrator’s side of the story and arguably here the point of view does become an opinion. Also, the reader then has to stay with that character all of the time. But the reader is certainly seeing things as the narrator sees them. The first person narrative does actually give a very reliable picture of the character’s view of the world. Particularly striking examples of this are in Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time, Lee Harper’s To Kill a Mockingbird and J. D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye. Read or reread one of these books. Here is a short excerpt from The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time:
                        Mother died two years ago.
I came home from school one day and no one answered the door, so I went and found the secret key that we keep under a flowerpot behind the kitchen door. I let myself into the house and carried on making the Airfix Sherman Tank model I was building.
An hour and a half later Father came home from work. He runs a business and he does heating maintenance and boiler repair with a man called Rhodri who is his employee, He knocked on the door of my room and opened it and asked whether I had seen mother. (28)
Note that Christopher is giving us a lot of details we might, as good creative writers, consider irrelevant to the story. They are important, though, because they show us much about Christopher’s personality and about how he sees the world.  They give us his point of view and do almost start to give us his opinion here. So, by getting point of view right, Haddon also gets voice and character right. Or you may prefer to think that by getting the voice and the character right he gets the point of view correct.
There is, however, one really big limitation with a first person narrative: the narrator has already had the growth and the reader cannot enjoy that growth with the protagonist.
A first person narrative is often used when writing for young adults. However, it is a false narrative as the author is pretending to be someone just a little bit older or a little bit wiser than the adolescent who is reading. They’re usually – though not always – considerably older than their readers.
Third person close
This also allows for a very close point of view. It is as if the writer is sitting on the character’s shoulder and can hear and see everything they can hear and see. They even know what the character is thinking. This works very well and does allow the reader to experience the growth with the character.  
V.S. Pritchett uses this in the short story A Family Man in the Penguin Book of Modern short stories. Here we have the viewpoint of Berenice, William’s mistress, who is visited by William’s wife.
But now – when she opened the door – no William, and the yawn, its hopes and its irony, died on her mouth. A very large woman, taller than herself, filled the doorway from top to bottom, an enormous blob of pink jersey and green skirt, the jersey low and loose at the neck, a face and a body inflated to the point of speechlessness. She even seemed to be asleep with her large blue eyes open. (46) 
Notice how in this passage the impression we are given of the visitor is really Berenice’s. It is Berenice who sees the dominating pink jersey and that is it loose and low. She decides that the woman seems to be asleep and that she has large blue eyes. We are following Berenice’s story. The reader buys into what is going to happen to Berenice.           

Third person distant neutral
This is also a common point of view. It is often found in older texts. A neutral narrator tells us the story, in effect showing it to us almost as a film. It is a little different from a film in that we occasionally see into the minds of the characters. However, we have none of the opinions nor personality of the writer in these texts. The narrator only tells us what we need to know in order to understand the story.
This type of narrative may skip from person to person, but it does so in a balanced way and it keeps the same distance from all of the characters. A good example of this type of narrative is found in Joseph Conrad’s The Secret Agent.

The evening visitors – the men with collars turned up and soft hats rammed down    - nodded familiarly to Mrs Verloc, and with a muttered greeting, lifted up the flap at the end of the counter in order to pass into the back parlour, which gave access to a passage and to a steep flight of stairs. The door of the shop was the only means of entrance to the house in which Mr Verloc carried on his business of a seller of shady wares, exercised his vocation of a protector of society, and cultivated domestic virtues. (14)
Thus we see a scene played out before us. It is Mr Verloc who sees his vocation as protector of society and cultivator of domestic virtues. He knows he is selling shady wares. The narrator simply tells us this without any judgement. Later in the novel we have the points of view of Mrs Verloc and other characters. Even in older texts, this switching of point of view only comes in separate sections or chapters. In longer works, the writer sometimes needs to do this in order to explain what is happening to characters other than the protagonist. In the short story the writer tends to stay with one point of view.
It is currently rather unfashionable. The modern reader and publisher seem to prefer a first person, a close third person or the narrator – whether first or third person – as an extra character.
Fictionalised narrator
This doesn’t have to be first person but often is. Imagine, for instance, the rather eccentric woman next door, the landlord of your favourite pub, or an interesting minor character in a book you like telling the story. An extreme first person example is in Adam Rapp’s 33 Snowfish.
Then he points to my other pocket and goes, “What’s wrong with your hand?”
I go, “I cut it.”
But he’s like, “I mean the one in your pocket.”
I go, “Nothin’.”
“You steal somehtin’ from my yard?”
“Ain’t shit to steal.”
“You sure?”
I’m like, “You deaf?”
And then the nigger pulls my other hand out of my pocket and he looks at it.”
We may well be shocked at the word “nigger” but this is part of the way this character talks. It is part of his voice and his point of view.

Some common mistakes

Study the three examples below:
1.       
I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he danced. Back and neck straight. Gaze fixed. Arms rigid by his sides. His feet never missed a beat and always came down in exactly the right place. My own feet started tapping to the music.
Then Patrick looked at the others. He winked at me. He showed them who was boss. He was so proud of me. He was thirsty now. He wanted a drink. But I kept on pushing him.

Problem:
The point of view has shifted from the narrator to Patrick. How can s/ he know what Patrick intended or whether he was thirsty?

Better might be:  
I couldn’t take my eyes off him as he danced. Back and neck straight. Gaze fixed. Arms rigid by his sides. His feet never missed a beat and always came down in exactly the right place. My own feet started tapping to the music. 
I worried as he looked at the others but then he winked at me. I wanted to make him proud of me. He was sweating and he must have been thirsty. I know I was. But I kept on pushing him.

2.       
George pushed pressed the buzzer on the entrance to the sales office. If this is supposed to be housing for everybody, why are they trying to keep people out? he thought.
Mandy Prior stopped painting her nails, patted her hair and called out in her best secretary voice: “Good morning. How can I help you?”
“George Morgan, Artist in Residence, Peppwood Council,” replied George.
Mandy pressed the buzzer. “Yes, Mr Sullivan is expecting you,” she said. George found himself in a type of exhibition area. His eyes were drawn to some huge photos of modern flats and town houses.  “Big Plans for Gorsall,” he read.
“Welcome, welcome,” said the short, middle-aged man with greying hair and a very red nose.

Problem:
The point of view skips between George, Mandy and an unknown person. The reader may get confused. 

Better might be:
George pushed pressed the buzzer on the entrance to the sales office. If this is supposed to be housing for everybody, why are they trying to keep people out? he thought.
“Good morning. How can I help you?” chimed a voice that suggested dyed hair and painted nails.
“George Morgan, Artist in Residence, Peppwood Council,” replied George.
“Yes, Mr Sullivan is expecting you,” said the same made-up voice. A buzzer sounded and the door swung open.
George found himself in a type of exhibition area. His eyes were drawn to some huge photos of modern flats and town houses.  “Big Plans for Gorsall,” he read.
“Welcome, welcome,” said a voice. 
George turned to find that the speaker was a short, middle-aged man with greying hair and a very red nose.

3.       
The boy had a lump in his throat. 
It had been a grey old day and the first drops of rain were starting to fall. He turned on the windscreen wipers.   
As the little blue car turned on to the motorway, it was raining heavily. Before it got into the heavier traffic there were flashes of lightning and claps of thunder. Tom turned on the radio to try and drain out the noise. He pushed his right foot down to the floor, bringing Binky up to her top speed. The music matched his mood. Rousing rock. He was going to fight this and he was going to win.
The car was now in the middle lane. The rain was now pouring like a waterfall over the windscreens of all the cars. Everybody’s wipers were going full speed. It was that sort of weather where you can’t see at all. The cars and lorries were chucking up spray and were being buffeted from side winds. No one seemed to be able to drive in a straight line. .

Problem
We move closer to the main character and back again. It’s like watching a film that has been made by someone who has little control over a camcorder. The zooming in and out can leave you feeling nauseous. Whilst this can be quite effective if executed elegantly – Philip Pullman uses this a lot, for example, particularly towards the end of The Amber Spyglass – it is not really appropriate or effective in so short an extract.

Better might be:
The lump was in his throat again.
The first drops of the rain they’d been promising all day fell on the windscreen.
He turned on the wipers.   
By the time he got to the motorway, it was raining heavily. As he filtered into the traffic there were flashes of lightning and claps of thunder. He turned on the radio to try and drain out the noise. He pushed his right foot down to the floor, bringing Binky up to her top speed. The music matched his mood. Rousing rock. He was going to fight this and he was going to win.
He steered Binky into the middle lane. The rain was now pouring over the windscreen like a waterfall. The wipers were going full speed, but he still couldn’t see all that well. As he overtook the slower cars and lorries he also had to put up with the spray and the buffeting from the side wind as he drove out of their shelter.

Try this

1.      Rewrite a fairy story, a myth or legend, one of Shakespeare’s stories or something from the Bible from the point of view of a minor character or the “bad” character.
2.      “Patch test” a piece of your own writing. Write a couple of paragraphs using one of the narrative techniques described above. Then try it with two others. Which works best? 
3.      Take two paragraphs from a piece of fiction you have enjoyed and decide which narrative technique the writer has used. Now choose another narrative technique and rewrite that passage using that. Was the author right? Why do you think they used their chosen narrative technique?  

Working with this in the future

1.      Before you start a piece of work, make conscious decisions about whose story you are telling and which narrative technique you wish to use. Try to keep this in mind as you write.
2.       Once your work is finished you should read it though checking just point of view. This should be just one of several edits.
  
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